Lost Thoughtz

Saturday, May 31, 2003

Friday May 30, 2003

I woke up at 645 today...
actually knocked out really well last nite...but yea when i woke up i was still tired...

i remembered Ms Palmer said you couldn't be late to zero today so i said...eff da shower...eff da breakfast...eff da morning breath...even eff da backpack...

i called nino and asked him for a ride to school...
i brought wid me some papers and my keys...
thats it...

since i fell asleep last night...i wasnt able to finish my gov hw...
so i decided i wasnt going to go to school...

i stayed for zero first and second today and i found a way to ditch before snack...

i got home and i thought about working on my project...but the bed looked more attractive...
i laid down and told myself i would start in 5 mins...
that turned to...i would start in 30 mins...
then it turned to an hour...

and basically i fell asleep and woke up around 12...
had an hour to work on my project...

(it was surprisingly easy)

and then i decided i wasn't in the mood to do it anymore...so i started to get ready...

Jenn called at around that time...=) i didnt expect for her to call...
well i was supposed to be at school wasn't i?
but yea...i talked to her for a while...den i talked to her friends =) and then she had to go...

after that i got ready for the invitational
haha...umm i started at 130...and finished at 250?
is that long? did i want to be perfect for the invitational or suttin?

or for someone? who knows...
maybe cuz i like taking showers and fixing myself up?
YEA RITE =)...

i was actually gonna be late...so i GTA'd the car...
i parked it in da shade by the school and i met up wid everyone else...

we stayed there for like an hour practicing our invitational routines
(me and Justin spent a lot of time trying to get out of practicing hehe)

i dont know what time we finally left for el dorado...but yea...
we rode in Jamie's car...the same krew as every invitational...

with the exception of Scott...

but yea...

it was sooooooo traffic on the freeway...
like furreal...
i tink everyone fell asleep...
umm Jamie woke me up cuz he was bored...dammit...umm i was sitting shotgun so i had to stay awake...
but yea...everyone woke up one by one after...

den traffic started to get better...
we were making good time when some guy in a pick up truck started yelling at us...

it was hard to hear but he said

"your tire is flat"

haha...dat was so unexpected...
i stuck my head out da window and i was like...oh shyt...
cuz i was amazed we were still running...
dat tire was like dead...

Jamie pulled off the freeway and we went into a parking lot...
umm...yea...we were two exits away from el dorado...

erik followed us...
15 guys...not one knew how to fix a tire...
but everyone decided to help neway
(well almost everyone...
some juss messed around and watched...sissy guys and stuff)

haha umm...a few of the guys went to work on removing the tire...
i went to ask for the tire iron from some other guy who was changing their tire in da same area...

a few of the guys went to work on jacking up da car...
im the one that found the jack...and told them to use it...

and i went to work on removing the spare tire

(i didnt know what the hell i was doing...)

it took like 3 guys each to work on each part of the car before nething started happening =)
it was very hillarious...
yet there was still some people standing around...
i guess dey didnt want to get dirty...

some guy was bored i guess...so he took some of the tools and decided to make a parrot stand?
wtf?

oh well...umm the other guy's tasks were being accomplished while i still had no idea how to get the tire out...
nino and justin helped and we still couldnt figure nething out...

den pham asked the other guys to help us...
and then we still coudlnt figure nething out...

Jamie finally found the car manual...(i disctincly remember asking for it in da first place...)
and we found out how to get the tire down...

the guys totally took over my post...=(
i was trying so hard to get the tire down myself...i tink i shouldve been the one to get it down in da first place...

i continued to read the manual and i figured out how to do it...because the guys were still clueless...

i helped nino and the tire was down...

umm then we jacked up the car some more so me and rollin could put the tire in...
we screwed in the thingies...(dammit im a guy...and i called a part of a car "thingy" dere goes my manhood)

i made sure that the tire was on evenly...(wouldnt want a tire to fall off during the freeway now would we?)
and it was done!!!

15 guys...45 mins...and one tire changed

woo hoo...that was a highlight of the day for sure
i mean we could have called triple a...but dat wouldnt have been as fun =).

we quickly cleaned up and got back in the car...
went back on the freeway for a few minutes and got off again...

we stopped by a carl's jr...
mainly to wash up...
we were so grimy from workin on da car...and since there would be girls there...
we wouldnt want ne of them to think we were dirty or nethin hehe...

umm we also ate haha...it was carl's jr after all...and most of us were hungry...
well neway...we got to el dorado in a while and we had time to spare...

i went in to watch the show...and umm look for the canyon girl =)...
i found her at the top of the bleachers...and after two routines...i was finally able to sit her...

=) she looked so pretty dat nite...
really...i was surprised...(i tink she looked prettier at that time then the day dat i first really met her)

wow...who would have ever thought i would see her again...
i spent some time with her and her friend watching the show...and during the intermission we went to kick it with the guys...

Jenn gave Bautista his stuff back...and the guys made such a big deal out of it =).

hehe they get like dat wenenver theres a pretty girl around...but yea...

i never got thanked for the watch being returned...its not like i did much neway...
Just look for the girl of my dreams...

oh well...=) its a thankless job...

we continued to watch the guys mess around...i tink jenn and ally had fun watchin us do wat we usually do...mess around...
its like dey were amazed...
its juss every day to us...

during the second half they went back inside and the guys got ready to perform...

i was excited to perform...it was our last time to ever perform so it was kewl...
plus...i got fans in da audience...so i was incredibly happy to know that they would watch meeh...

smale was fine...
excellent actually...
great crowd response =)...

haha i spent every chance i got during dat routine (not much...cuz deres very little breathing time)
looking for Jenn...
but haha i later found out that i was lookin on da wrong side...

umm...we changed for new all male...
nino vag and rollin were gonna do something...
i wasnt gonna stop dem or nething...actually i juss wanted to join them too...

but i didn tink dey had enuff time between routines to do wat dey wanted...so yea...

new all male was fun to perform also =)
me vago and sean busted sum go on choreo hehe =)

i finally found out were she was sitting...
but yea...
i kinda blanked out and umm da last part got a little weird...

it was my solo hehe...i swear it was =)
no sweat...

after our performance...
i went around to see if i could spend a few more minutes wid her before we left...

=) we took one more picture
and we talked for a while wid erik and stuff...

haha i found out that the guys pulled off their little stunt...
i guess i was jealous that i wasnt able to do it either...
but hey i was wid jenn at the time...and i would rather have done dat den nething else...

so yea...umm
she was the highlight of my day...den the tire changing episode...

we went home...and got to glendale pretty quickly...
(no traffic and no flat tires)

i drove a few people home (driving is not that hard nemore...)
and i arrived at my house finally...

i wasnt sleepy yet...i really wanted to talk to someone..but i guess ill have time for it tomorrow...

thats pretty much it...
chatted online...did some drill team work...and i guess sleep...

Friday May 23, 2003

this is going to be a very long entry...
how did the day start?
i don't even remember...

oh okay...
i went to school...
and my team was holding tryouts for next year
seniors and everyone had to be there to help vote i tink?
i think it was all for the look of things...the person who really does all the chosing are the coaches of course...
but neway the tryouts took so long that
they cancelled the Thousand Oaks invitational performance...

i was kinda bummed cuz dat would have been a really nice opportunity to perform for new people...
but oh well...
it was senior ditch day cuz of prom and i was still at school...

i had an idea on how to get out...but i wasn't going to just walk out like i usually did...
i used a bs excuse that my mom knew dat i wasnt at school last week for the revue...so i knew that wouldnt work anymore

but instead...jaime was going out so i decided to tag a long wid him...
no one stopped me so he ended up taking me home

i spent a few hours at home
then at 10ish
me and my mom left to van nuys for my driving test...

i was really nervous...
after two days of practice...i tawt...i dont tink i would pass, but hey it was worth the effort...
squad spectacular was in the back of my head...and so was prom..

so i had to try...

i spent a while at the dmv...
a few of the driving instructors were out for the day so it took a while...
i watched a few people take da test ahead of meeh and so on...

i wished them good luck...
when it was my turn

i told myself that i could pass...
we went over the easy stuff...
hand signals...
where the turn signals are...and etc...

then came the real thing...
da instructor told me to pull out of the dmv parking lot...

i was to make a right turn...and i checked left and right...
there were cars coming...but i didnt want to get docked for hesitation...
so i decided to go for it...

i should have waited...

i made an extra wide right turn...and my instructor had to grab the wheel so i wouldnt hit a car...

that was an instant disqualification...
i didn't even go into the street and i failed...

wow...
that was really embarassing...

we went back to the dmv parking lot...and i knew that i failed...
the guy must have thought...
what the hell were u doing here...u were so not ready...

i got out of the car and waited for my mom...
i felt so bad...
i dont know wheter it was because i failed...
or because if it was because i failed so quickly...

ionno...that brought my day down so bad...
but i couldn't understand why...
i didnt really expect to pass...

i guess i kept asking myself...why did i even take the test...
i wasted my time...and got my hopes up for nothing...

sigh...
i didnt know what else to do...
so my mom drove us home...

squad spec...oh well...
plan b...nino was gonna take us in my car...

around the time 5th period would start...
pham called me...
i told him wat happened...dat i failed...
they weren't surprised...but they were consoling...
they were at eriks...and they told me to come there...because we had to do stuff still...

i told my mom dat i was gonna go do some errands for prom...

she tawt nino was home so i told her that i was gonna get him and we were gonna go do some stuff...

i really didn't feel like driving after wat happened that day...but yea...i forced myself into the car and into the road...
i got really annoyed when some impatient person honked his car behind me...but then i felt bad because maybe i wasn't driving correctly...and then yea...

i got to erik's house...i picked up nino and pham...
we went to pham's house...and we really couldn't decide on what we were doing...

we finally decided to make the trip to wesko...so sean could gta his car and take a few of the guys to squad spec...
it was 3ish...

it was a long drive there...due to traffic...and everyone was getting tired...even nino...
i was even more tired...i got tireder and tireder as da drive continued...

wen we finally arrived...sean got his car...and we drove back to glendale...
we got there at 430...

sean picked everyone up at school
Ravago...Scott...Ronni...Chris Bautista...
and i told them to come to my house...because i had to give em something before they left

(i had given up on the idea to go to squad spec...wen i learned that nino wasn't gonna come with us...he had changed his plans and decided to do something else.)

wen they finally left my house i told them that i would follow them soon...it's just that i had some prom errands to run...
i told me brother to go with them...(i decided that if i wasn't going to go...he should be able to have the fun that i would have...)

after a while in my driveway...it felt like something would change...and dat i would go to squad spec after all...
with nino ronni scott and pham...

the day had hope in it...but i didnt know how long it would last...

me pham and nino dropped off scott and ronni at scotts house until we ran some errands...

then we went to christines house to look at her dress so pham could match it with a vest...

then we went for tux for you where pham got his tux...and i rented a vest...
the price was ludicrous...but i was okay wid it...

nino finally decided that he wasn't going to go to squad spec...
and wen we tried to contact scott...he was unavailable...

*sigh...* i really wanted to go...

i decided i wanted to drive again...
but my mind was occupied...
backing out of the parking lot...i nudged against a car and nino and pham were freakin out...
they knew that i was in no condition to drive...so i gave the car to pham...

he drove home...
on the way...a cop started to suspect us...
i tawt that we would get busted for sure...but i really didnt care nemore...
somehow we got away with it...cuz we stopped behind a bus...and the cop had to continue...

i was relieved...and then we decided pham wasn't driving anymore...
nino took him home...and i was even more shaken about wat happened that day...

no more trip to squad spec...
i gues spart of me wanted to go...
because ...

it was my last year...
it was on my to do list...
so i guess i would feel like a failure if it didn't get done...

i wanted to see some people...

and i wanted to be with the guys...

i was really sad...
about eveyrthing that day...

(to be continued...i want to call Jen...)

Thursday May 29, 2003

this too

Thursday May 22, 2003

boy im lazy...but im tired too...
Jon at 2:12 AM

Wednesday, May 28, 2003

seriously...i need to blog~!

i didn't die or nething, and the hell i'm letting my journal die again..

so here i am...im back, and hopefully i will be able to keep up with my entries,
and hopefully i will be able to retell the stories that went on missing for about a week.

It is really hard to blog everything that happened exactly in one week so i've decided on a plan of action...
to make things easier for me i will do to posts in one day,

one to talk about what i did dis week...
and one to talk about what i did last week...

i will continue this trend until i have successfully told my stories...

that is if people still read this crap...
and if you do...why not sign the guestbook or da chatterbox...

dammit ravago u didnt even sign the guestbook yet =)...Jk

Today i had a very hectic morning. I woke up startled...
i guess i fell asleep working on my drill team homework and my government report.

i hurried to get them done with the time i had...
i thought that if i skipped my drill team periods i would have three extra hours to work on these projects of mine...

mayn i should have done it last nite, but once i hit the bed...and close my eyes...
its very easy for me to knock out...

lately these nites ive slept late...2ish and stuff...
and i guess the loss of sleep finally caught up wid me...

but yea dats a totally different story...

I drove my car to school...im getting the hang of driving i tink...i should be able to pass the test now...

school just flew by...i can barely remember anything i did
after school i went home and got ready for my dentist appointment

i drove to school again with my mom and picked up my brother...
we were at the dentist until 5

when we got home i called people up to work on the scrapbook...
i woke nino up and then we picked everyone up...
we bought some supplies at Michaels and came home...

we lagged the start of the scrapbook
and finally started at seven

it was pretty fun...Nino's really creative with that stuff...it was envious for a while...
but then again i had some good ideas too...everyone did...
when we got into it it started lookin nice...

my mom ordered some pizza and we continued working until 9..
i took everyone home after that..

i dont think i slept much that night..
i called Jen and i talked to her for a while...
until 2 again (i think it was wednesday =)? )

o i remember now...the night before this...
i couldnt talk to Jen as late because of her ex...
so on Wednesday i wanted to talk to her as much as possible...

late nite conversations have always been one of my favourite things in the world...
im glad i met Jen...well i'm glad i found her =)...

too bad i'll need a new fone card soon =)...
but yea neway...slept after 2...
very fun nite...

Wednesday May 21, 2003

This really started off my busy week...
i bought homecoming tickets at lunch...i decided to finally go when nino wasn't going to do the prom party at my house anymore...
i wasn't really a prom or formal dance type of person...and none of my friends were goin...so i was like...what the hey...why not?
the morning juss passed me by until the end of 5th when i was excited to get out of school...

i called my mother and asked her to pick me up
then we headed over to the dmv...

very exciting indead...
the lines were very long and i just walked in there without an appoinment...
but my friend told me that there was a way to cheat the lines

and i walked into the appoinment area and told them that i had one and no questions asked i was on my way to getting my permit...
i quickly registered, and took my picture, etc, etc...standard procedure..

then i took the test...i was a little nervous i guess...it would be embarassing if i had to take it again...
especially since this is the second time i was getting my permit
(i had a permit a few years ago, but since my mother bought the highlander i had no opportunity to make good use of it...and it expired...)

the test was a breeze though...amazingly enough...the other day my friend gave me her test to study...and it ended up being the same test!

i got excited and i finished the written test and in no time i was out of the dmv with a permit...
now all i needed was insurance

i had convinced my mom that it was essential that i get insurance as soon as possible...so i would be able to train as much as possible until friday so i could get my liscence...and start driving...

(useful to drive to places like oxnard or pomona)

to my surprise we actually headed over to get me some insurance...
300 bux a month...dayum pricey...
but oh well i was happy and i was in a good mood...

i even joked around with my mother about letting me drive my car home...
she said yes and i was even more elated...

wow...my first driving experience (of course to even convince her to let me touch the car...i lied to her about driving already with jerrome...)

it would have been really scary for her if she knew that i didnt know how to drive...

i took the car out and i drove home...
i was pretty okay...but i was kind of scared...
i didnt let her see that of course but yea...

she scared me more then i scared myself...ionno...anyone ever learn how to drive with their parents in shotgun?
then you know what i mean...

thank God i got home safely =)...jk...it was kewl notting that difficult to handle...

when i got home i told Nino and Jerrome that i got my permit,
Jerrome was going to come over to teach me how to drive and i asked Nino to come with me too...
I also called Bev and asked her finally to go to prom with me...she was still unsure if i was serious or not...but yea...
i seriously asked her that time =)

after calling her
I asked my mom if nino and jerrome could help me drive...
she said sure...and i dont tink she wanted to come with us...cuz she was tired...
when Jerrome got here...

i told my mom i was gonna go...and i guess she felt obligated to come...
before she got ready though...
i took the car and left =) i thought dat id rather let her rest for a while...den me and the guys will have more freedom to drive around

i expected at least nino or jerrome to ride in da car while they were teachin me to drive...
but they just took off and told me to follow them...

I was like WAIT!!! WAT THE HECK ARE YOU GUYS DOIN?!

it was my first real day driving and dey expect me to go by myself...
as i really didnt have a choice...i followed them...
i was half panicked but i stayed calm...

I wanted to tell dem to stop or suttin but i didnt know how...
i just kept following them...

then i saw a cop...then i got worried...but i stayed calm...

i thought they would stop somewhere but they didnt...
instead of waiting for them to show me where they're going i just parked my car off the side of the road...

eventually they came back down...so busted a u-turn after they passed...
on the way down i saw that they busted a u-turn too and they were now going the opposite way...

i tawt it was silly to do another u turn...so i parked my car again on da side...
they eventually came back and i told them that i was freaked out to drive alone...

they said dont worry and they drove like a few more blocks and we started to practice in a parking lot...

Nino was trying to relearn stick shift for a while...then they both hopped into my car and they started my training...
i did pretty alrite i guess...
my turns were off...and etc...

first day though...so yea...they were nicer teachers den my mom...she screams too much...

after a while jerrome had to go to his grandma's so we juss tagged along behind him while nino taught me how to drive some more...
wen we left him i didnt to go home yet so me and nino took some random trips

we went to krystabel's house
we went to maureens house...
we went up to scholl canyon...
we went down lilac i think...
we went up solway...towards mountain and took the 2 freeway back...
(i think nino paniced during the freeway trip =)...oh well)

it was pretty fun...driving and all...and yea i got home before it got dark...

after a while...i went out wid my mom again and we went to eagle rock...
i was better den wen i started...but i had much to learn...
she bought food...and den we went back home...

i dont think i did nething else that night...
been busy lately though...
maybe i was working on blogwork for jesus?
Jon at 2:07 PM

Monday, May 19, 2003

fawk...my shoulder hurts...
did i sleep on my side or suttin?
ionno...

makes me not wanna go to school...
but yea...i said no more ditching...
actually...

did i do the homework? dammit haha...
dat's another thing to add to my to do list...

oh well...umm i guess i'm gonna go to the library today to start
dat effin gov project...

maybe ill stop by target and turn in my film...
mayn developing pictures sure is expensive... =)

i don't even remember what i have on some of the rolls...
ahh...

i should leave for school soon...

wat else should i accomplish by the end of the day?

umm...im gonna sleep on time for once...
maybe i'll call denise up after she gets out to meet me in da library...
who like studying by themselves neway?

also...i hafta get that stuff about good student discount for insurance...
and i hafta find my old permit...so i can renew it...

dats for tomorrow though...

nething else? umm yea...=)
nothing...else...my day is planned woo hoo~!
Jon at 9:17 AM

ahh ...i was bloggin while i was talking to jesus from oxnard...

and suddenly my post disappeared...

oh well that's life =)

haha he told me he liked my blog
that was certainly i highlite of my day~!

haha...i worked so much on it...and he's da first one to like it...
mayn Jesus...you are way too kewl~!

haha i was in da process of teaching him how to add a song to his blog...
i was gonna do it for him...
so i opened kazaa (big mistake)

i was hit with this super lag~! I keep forgettin dat my computer is effin slow...
i can never do more then a few things at the same time...
dat means...

i can either download music...or chat...
and i was chatting at the time...so my computer froze...

oh well...by the time i got rid of kazaa jesus left...

before my post got erased this is what i was gonna put:

God grante me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference

~Anonymous

While driving around with my mom today...this quote popped into my head...and i instantly thought how well it would fit with my recent posts...

i guess that's basically how i see maturity...
widout all the extra words...

its such an old quote too...i found this one on my refrigerator...
it's been there since forever...

umm today was an odd day...
not good...not bad...
just different...

I spent da past couple of days on my blog...
trying to make it look as kewl as possible...
even trying to make it sound as kewl as possible...

spent the whole day today working on my blog and talking to people...
some people didnt talk much...
and other's surprised meeh with converstaions...

haha there was even one that imed me wen i was asleep...
it was someone i never had a chance to talk to before...
and wen i saw her im on mah screen
she was already gone...

other den dat...
i also headed to carson...

mom's friend's son's bday party (wow a lot of possesive nouns there)
i didn't know any of the guests so me and my brother juss kicked it together...

he schooled me at bball (not like i really tried hard...)
and we tried to flip at the moonbounce they had...

while in carson i called up cathy...
juss randomly...

i was about to go to her house for sumthing wen my mom took us to my aunts house...(which is like two blocks away from hers i tink...)

i didn't tink i would stay long...but dammit
i have a rich aunt and uncle~!

i was surrounded by so many neat gadgets...
computers...palm pilots...wireless internet...free ppv~!

haha...damm i was stuck there for a while...juss trying to try out as much stuff as i could...
it was like they were showcasing their gadgets or something =)

haha...dammit...i wanna visit dem more often...

wen we finally left it was 11...

another thing to point out...
i have money again...

i guess it was an belated bday/christmas present from them...
but yea...my wallet is full again...

dat means i can't take it to school nemore...

but yea...i hadn't had any money since my bday money...
and it all disappeared on certain oxnard trips...

dis time im saving it haha...
actually i would like to have some money to spend but keep their gift in my wallet...

i want to get a job...
i want to get a liscence...
i want to graduate...

darnit i want so much stuff =)...
Jon at 1:01 AM

Sunday, May 18, 2003

maturity...

what does it mean to be mature?

what does it mean to be immature?

dat's very hard to explain i guess...

which one am i?

i would hope i would be the mature one...
sometimes some adults are immature...

i feel sorry for them...

i used to be scared of being mature...
i always wanted to stay young...
be a kid and have fun...

...

i got tired of playing kid's games...
am i mature?

can't be...but im mature enough to know i still have a lot to grow...

maturity means to forsake the childish ways of youth...
sometimes stupid stuff happens and you have to take it...

no tears...no regrets...
juss accept it...

sometimes it's hard because you get hurt...
but i guess when we're mature enough...
the pain won't even last for a second...

its taking insignificant situations in your life...
the painful ones...
and deciding that they are after all really unimportant...
and you let them go...

immature people will hold on to those events...
take em for much more then dey seem
and let it rule their lives...

that is a destructive mentality...

lately...ive been acting more mature...
ive been seeing more events as they are...
as important as they are...or in most cases...unimportant

being mature gives one a lot more freedom...
it prevents one from wasting time in a dead end situation...
and it opens more doors then closes...

mature people are very self sufficient...
they can take care of themselves...and they
have complete control of their lives...

people who tend to play children's games still have a hard time dealing with the smallest problems...
but

it's not so bad...
they will grow up someday...

it's not so bad...
i too will grow up someday...

and maybe...
i will start to make sense...
and actually understand what im preaching...

~Stream of Conciousness - Jon

Two of these in one day? haha...i'm on fire...
syke juss kidding...maybe ill have one more in store for later...
Jon at 4:23 PM

assuming...

that shyt is juss plain effed up...

assuming is what leads everyone into getting into trouble...

when they start to think what another person is thinking...
when in fact it is very impossible to know what exactly is going on

EXCEPT by going to the person whom you're making assumptions about~!

its so frustrating dammit...
people assume shyt like 50 million times a minute sometimes...

and its funny how some people always think that they're rite...
but da more right you feel...
da more wrong you can get...

mayn ionno...
recently my friend found out that he was wrong assuming something about someone...
but he finally talked it out with him and they figured things out...

that's how things are supposed to be...

well...
the reason this post is up...

because i'm in terrible danger of making the same mistake...
assuming is a frustrating situation to get urself into...

why do people assume they know things when they have no validation on their thoughts?

mayn...its because of fear...
people fear the unknown so much...that they make up their own reality in their minds...
to counter that fear...

knowing something is better den not knowing something...even if that knowledge is wrong...

almost anything is better dan assuming...
assuming can get you into a multitude of trouble...

sometimes people assume da worst or a situation...
and they follow dat assumption to a point where they create an equally trouble some situation themselves

just out of an assumption...
just because they are afraid of what they don't know...

what's another folly of an assumption...
assumptions are made sometimes widout adequate knowledge...
like at whims...

people will assume things about other people because they don't know better...
these assumptions are bad because they get in the way of getting to know someone better...
it makes it unfair for people because somethimes assumptions never give them a chance for you to get to know who they really are...

any assumption is terrible...
whether mild...or big...

if it comes to appoint when you're beginning an assumption...
i advise for you to stop...
look at the situation
and figure out how you can really find out what you don't know about...

even though your scared of the answer u mite recieve...
because truly...
a misunderstanding from an assumption is overwhelming sometimes...
and assumptions tend to build up upon demselves
until they litterally overwhelm ur life...

...get rid of assuptions...
and look for the truth...

summon your courage...it's the best thing possible...
there's really nothing to lose...

and the other option is really terrible...

~Stream of Conciousness - Jon

Jon at 4:05 PM

Saturday, May 17, 2003

...

After all the blog hoppin i have been doin recently, i am amazed i've actually missed one...

I just recently read Freda's blog...and yea wow...it really opened my eyes about some issues...
if you guys know her...i guess you should go check her blog out or suttin =)

but yea neway...its saturday morning and i told her i would tag on her board...
cuz i begged her to tag on mine...
while reading her blog i realized something

my entries haven't been da usual length recently...
neither have they been as honest as they should have been...

i've been cutting back lately on my posts...for one reason or another...
but reading her blog i realized that doing so makes the idea of bloggin pointless

it is a blog...and if you do not write with your heart...then why write at all?

It's been such a long time since i've written a stream of conciousness after all...
i doubt i'm scared of other people reading my junk...cuz i doubt neone dose...
but the fear is sometimes still there that i'll say something wrong you know...
and people judge you quickly on what you say...when people will barely know you...

does neone feel me on that...?
also...Freda's blog mention a fact that most blogs have a lil suttin suttin on about how people should be cautious about reading his/her blog and not to make judgements and etc etc...

i myself have one of those...and it's supposed to promote more honesty in ones blogs...
but people still hold back...

i admire freda because she has matured past that already...
she knows how much other peoples opinions should influence a person...
and shes strong enough so when someone says something...she can juss shrug it off like nothing...

that kind of maturity is very advanced...i used to tink it was a handicap to grow up to quickly...
but lately i've realized that playing kid games is a waste of time...

i guess its a very nice coincidence dat i had read her blog...
if this was like a few weeks ago...i don't think i would have understood what she had talked about...
but now...it is so perfectly clear to me...

haha...this post is beginning to feel like a tribute to her and her thoughts...
eff dat =)...JK

but yea...im gonna try to go back to that style of "stream of conciousness"
im gonna go back to my long entries...
im gonna go back to my entries that speak from the heart...

no fear...
Jon at 7:17 AM

im back home...
wat else is dere to say of course...umm...

revue went well......really well actually...

cept that i choked a lot haha...maybe cuz i was nervous and tinking too much?
Maybe ionno...

It was a pretty long show...more organized den yesterdays...but yea...
i was really gonna give out during a few routines...

but yea i had fun...
i promised myself no tears...but i jumped on the bandwagon for a while...

oh well...

The revue is over...

next is prom...

next is graduation...

den...im on my own...as an adult...

dats very scary...i wonder if i act as mature as i should sometimes...
hopefully...i got to try at least...

no more kid games for meeh...its very depressing to think about that...
so lets not...

a lot of people came today...i was gonna get sad wen i tawt my camera broke...
but it didnt...and i almost finished two rolls on these past days

(YESH dat MEANS more PICTURES...I like pictures...)

mayn i sound like a retard..."i like pictures"...wtf?
oh well...things to do today?

Take permit test...
practice...

take driving test? (nah...ill wait till nex week...)

umm go watch a movie...

go to hoj...

yesh my week is fun~!

Oh yea...i doubt sean reads dis but...
hey...i know ur little secret...
and i dont really mind wassup about that thing...cuz im bigger den dat...
but yea...i knew for a while...and i was waiting for you to come and tell me about it...
cuz i tawt we were friends...
and u keep suttin like dis from meeh?

mayn...i woulda trusted u wid mah life...
oh well...

TAke care Sean...hope you live your life to da fullest every single day aiite?

Jon at 12:05 AM

Friday, May 16, 2003

dammit props to vince...

he always has good quotes in his info...

aiite...its not the next month yet...so i cant change my quote on my sidebar...
but yea...this is gonna be da quote for like june or april or suttin..

(wait didn't april pass already? dammit im getting sleepy or suttin...i mean july)

~ "expect the worst.. so when the best comes you'll be relieved.."
~"if you where given a second chance be wid somoene agen, wat would u do?"

Jon at 12:06 AM

Thursday, May 15, 2003

Im so tired...

I wanna knock out early rite now...but i have a few things to do first

1. Take a shower...whoo...i stink...
2. Arrange my outfits for tomorrow's show...
3. Umm...thats pretty much it..

How did revue go tonite?
It was a pretty dead audience...
it's either we're pretty boring...
or people don't know how to cheer...

I tink its da first one...ahh...

Today was a painful show...
emphasize da painfulness...

like dere was dis one routine were my legs decided that it didn't wanna perform nemore...
i mean my body was moving...but mah legs were like...eff it...

dat kinda sucked but oh well...
At least i could say...it was my best performance ever...
the crowd was so dead that it elevated my routines to a new level...juss to see if dis crowd would cheer or not...
but they didn't...

oh well...sucks for us

Another thing...
BACK TO BACK ROUTINES ARE A BITCH~!!

first time i ever experienced one...(there was like three for mee)
it was such a pain...
for one thing...ur fatigued from the previous routine
and another is that you have to change like super fast~!
i tink i was running around in mah boxers for part of the night...
juss cuz i left clothes on different sides of the stage...

WHOOPZ...no one noticed i hope...
it was nice boxers though...looked like shorts...

so neway...did nething good happen tonite?

My #1 fans were there...and they actually came on time
Woo Hoo...Thanks Matt & Bev...for all your support~!
Love you guys...

And yea...
I got a picture with this one girl...
her name is Seidy...

haha...if you guys know her...
dats something really exciting...
We talked for a while...and i was glad dat she actually remembered me...

oh well...time to waste film again like i did last time...
juss cuz ders one picture i really wanna develope and shyt...
haha

oh well...talking to Jesus rite now...
he's really kewl...
one of the most interesting people to talk to from Oxnard ya know?

but yea...dats about it today...
hope some of you guys come watch our show tomorrow...

and yea...hehe...wish meeh luck...

Isn't there a full moon eclipse rite now btw?
haha ima go check it out...peace~!

Jon at 11:36 PM

playing hookie...

at home waiting for bev to come...to give her her tickets...

umm not getting my hair done today

hopefully tomorrow? i wish...sigh oh well dats too bad...

well anything good is worth waiting for

well at least i get to take a shower today...
i was smellin today in da morning...felt bad for mah coed partner hehe...
JK

oh well the revue...is today...
hopefully all my friends will come...
it's a real important day now i think about it...
i told some that i really wouldnt be disappointed if they didn't show up
cuz its juss a show...

realizing what this means to me now...
i tink i was lying to dem...
a few of my friends wont be there to see me on my LAST performance...
sigh...

These next two days are finally catching up to meeh...
i was so moved by our slideshow last nite that i started taking pictures left and right...
with everyone i could grab...

I will miss so many people...and i will miss all these fun times ya know?

but yea...i still have two days left to spend with them...
i wonder if i'll be one of those crying at the end of the year...

or maybe i'll stay strong on da outside...

Who knows?
Jon at 10:46 AM

Wednesday, May 14, 2003

The day turned out pretty well...
im actually amazed...

Tommorrow is the real show...
We are not ready yet...
but hopefully it won't turn out so bad...

my plans for tomorrow are to come to zero and first period...
take off...
get my hair done...
spend the rest of the day with bev
(i haven't told her about that yet..)

and come back to school promptly around 3...
haha...my plans never work out like i want them too...but neway yea...
dats what i want to happen...

To the person...who may or may not be reading this...
Thank you so much for yesterday...
It's something so little that you have done for meeh...

and it has turned my life around...
That and the slideshow...

The world makes sense for a while...
May i have the strength to keep things this way for a while longer...
Jon at 8:38 PM

Day Three...

Day three of what?

Don't worry about it...

Day three...(This Doesn't make sense anyway...)

After a long talk with an old friend...i decided that there is some hope for my after all...
Sometimes when you're so lost in life it's very hard to find your way back...
Especially when you're on your own

silly meeh...i forgot that i have friends you know...

Neway wat does describe a man's worth?
his skills...? His capabilities?

Does he have to compare himself to others to figure out how he matches up?
Silly Question...
Of course not...

But when you're lost sometimes you really don't know whats happenin...and sometimes whats up is down...and what right is left...and what is black is white...and so on...

So what is worth...
Every man has worth...
To himself especially...

Sometimes you lose sight of it...but its pretty simple...
Your friends help you find that worth...

That's why sometimes when your in da worst place possible...
depressed and alone...you feel so useless and so insignificant

when you're with someone who cares...or what not...
things are different...

I don't know if its easy to understand what i am saying...
i don't even understand it myself...
but im trying to show that...

sometimes when you feel so down and dejected...
all you need is a friend...
when you're lost and can't find the way back home...
all you need is a friend...
when the world turns its back on you...
all you need is a friend who is willing to save you...

Friends...that is what truly matters...
that's where you'll find your true worth...
Jon at 7:40 AM

Tuesday, May 13, 2003

Listening to mah new fav style of music...Classical...

It's betwetaht or Kost...

Neway...today was a burn day...
So tired...so sleepy...

I did not like how the day turned out at any cost...
I remember feeling this way last week...around thursday...

on that day something came up that took my mind of my problems...
today it was just my problems...

All i can say is the day sucked...
and Revue is in Two days...

I'm tired of all this...and i dont know what to do anymore...

SIgh...
Jon at 9:33 PM

So what does everyone think of my new layout..
it's not that much actually...but it took me a while to make it...

So far i like how my html skills are developing...i wonder if i'm ready to make a site yet...
or will i juss work on my blog for now...?

Oh well, i'm actually very proud of myself to get my blog looking the way it has been looking...
it's nothing compared to other peoples...(some people have wow knowledge of html crap)
but its something that i was happy to accomplish...

The Revue is coming up this week..
I don't know it hasnt hit me yet...and i'm not sad like the rest of my peers...

The only people who seem to understand the significance of this week is probably Ravago and Scottie...

I have other things on my mind currently though.
Nothing spectacular has happened of late...been a boring couple of days...

I wanna note though something that's really been bothering me...

i can't really say much about it, but it juss pops into my head once in a while...

I remember i had the qwuote up on this site a while back...Thug life...
I haven't been able to live up to it within the previous weeks...

Too many regrets...too many what if's
Too many hours spent on thinking of stuff i have lost, compared to the things that i have...
Too many hours spent on someone i miss...and a rift that i feel distances us from what we used to be...

It's really nothing important...no one will probably guess who the person is...or what has happened, but yea...
It's enough to think about sometimes to get me down...

And you know...Thug lyfe...
I got a new car...I got a good relationship with my mother...
I got a lot of new friends...

There's nothing more that i should want...

but...That's Thug lyfe...and...Thug lyfe is a very complicated lifestyle to follow...

well the complicated part is giving up ones current lifestyle...just to let go...
Because as everyone knows letting go is one of the hardest thing one can do...

Especially when you let go...and you always want to reach back...
Jon at 8:41 AM

Thursday, May 08, 2003

It was embarassing to see like a huge chunk of mah chatterbox filled up by yours truly...so i ended up making into a post after all:

: ...i found it funny how my info section was larger than my blog section...the freakin tagboard took a lot o space so i replaced it...umm this thing is purdy kewl...no 200 letter limit and it doesnt mess up the layout...

: but u havta refresh to see the posts though... another thing...i thought by making my blog section bigger it would make my posts seem shorter...but nah...theyre still effin long...

: that effin picture takes up a lto of space...but its kewl...i named the faces...the one wearing the hat is vago...behind him is cheyenne...on the far left is mee...the one under cheyenne is nino...and the one under vago...is bautista

: i'm so gay...even mah chatterbox entries are long...might as well have made another blog entry...

HAha....neway mah effin bro hogged the computer last night...so i ended up falling asleep early...
its like umm...4 hours later...

Prom status...
DeAd haha?~ I missed my deadline for asking people last night hehe...
oh well...does dat mean im not going to prom nemore

yup...it does haha...

actually to tell the truth...i had already asked potential dates to prom...
but like i said dat wasnt the problem nemore...
i guess its dat...im effin picky...but i finally figured out more about it...

I was talking to Nino last night about this exact subject...
i was trying to figure out wat was wrong about meeh...
and he helped me realize why i was picky...

its not that i juss want to go to prom...its because i want to go with someone i like...
i wanted it to be special...
i wanted something...i wanted...memories perhaps?
prom basically has no meaning for meeh to juss go wid a friend...
it would feel like any other dance...
it would feel like a homecoming or suttin (and i already had those)
i wanted prom to be special...i wanted it to be different...i wanted it to be worth the hype dat surrounds it...

so yea...since i cant go wid someone i would want to be with...i just wont go...
well...i can always change my mind =)...

as of now...there are only two people i know who i would change my mind for...
One is really hard to ask...cuz haha...i don't know how to contact her...
some girl i met like once...she left a nice ass impression on meeh...
but yea...i always forget to ask for a fone number or suttin wen i get into dese situations..

and the other? haha...too scared to ask...
not to get turned down though...dats incredibly easy...
who knows...maybe im afraid dat it would change things if i asked...
its not worth asking her to prom and making an awkward rift between the two of us...
id rather not go to prom den have her feel weird about meeh...

who carez haha...wen i get to it...i'll ask...of course...
it's not like any of these two will say yes...but hey ill ask for fun and thas all there would be to it...=)

yEa. wat else did me an Nin talk about...
he's...very persuasive...actually he talked me back into the backyard prom idea hehe...

have i talked about it here before?

haha lets enlighten all you curious people...
unlike mee...for sure Nino doesnt wanna go to prom...(and neither does some of our close friends)
it's all hype to him neway...no point in going...
too many people you dont know...and umm...

he had a lot more reasons actually...but then again this is my blog not his =)
he can write about his reasons if he wants on his...

so backyard prom? haha dats a gay title...i'm gonna rename it wen i have a chance...

basically...the night of prom...me and a couple close friends are gonna turn mah backyard into a nite of dancing...talking...eating...and etc...widout the ype of prom...dis will all be on us...
we figured...it will be more fun when you know everyone...it will be more personal...and it will be more memorable...
in a way he's right...

it will be like a party...but hehe it's gonna be prommy so it will be kinda different...were goin to fix it up...

we were sorting out ideas already last night...and the more i think about it...it will really be fun...
i guess that's a reason why i dropped the Glendale prom idea neway

come to think of it...i bet our prom mite be cancelled...
sad trip huh? the seniors have to sell 500 tickets...
deyve been sellin for two weeks already and onlee 100 people bought some...

oh well two weeks left...ionno i tink people will buy last minute...
its at a real nice place any way...coppacobanna *sounds expensive*

haha wat am i talking about...it seems im getting caught up into the hype again...

but nah...thats all it is neway...
like i said...there's gonna be only two reasons i would wanna go to prom neway...
...and that's all i gotta say about that...

dats good enough for now i tink...ima knock out again...maybe for once i'll be up in da morning widout a effin headache...
gnite~
Jon at 2:47 AM

Wednesday, May 07, 2003

Hey guyz...no new updates in a long while~!

lack of a computer sucks...but oh well...

Revue is next week~! It's pretty scary to think about it...

well then lets not think about it...

sitting in second period again today...as usual theres nothing to do...i freakin hopped on everyones blog today and tagged a lil sumtin sumtin...

other den dat its a slow morning...
woke up wid a madd headache though...not as bad as yesterdays but still very annoying...

Prom is coming up in about two weeks? I assume theres a set deadline for asking someone to prom isnt there...
unless i want to do stuff last minute (which would suck...id probably end up wid such an ugly tux and crap)

well i dont really know...ive recently started asking people *a few who have said yes....a few of who had said no* but im still not sure on a date...

I mean...finding a date isnt a problem anymore, but yea...its finding which one would i have the most fun with...
ionno...im so gay to be picky i guess...

i tried to ask meryl last night heheh keyword was tried...
if nething comes up today i mite ask her forreal...

ionno...for a while we talked about her prom history and stuff...
about how she asked people...how etc etc...
it seems to mee shes gone through what im going through...

meryl's a really nice person too...its juss...ionno hehe
like i said im picky...dammit im such a bastard...

wat else...she talked about her top three list of people to ask to prom also...
it made me think about my own list...(not necessarily a list...but certain people i would like to go to prom with)

like ionno, i have a ranking of my own in a way...and i think i would want to go wid a certain someone...or certain someones...or watever...

mayn dis is getting confusing...go read da disclaimer if you dont know wats going on...

Today...im going to ask someone to prom...well today im gonna ask EVERYONE to prom...
ill start fromt he bottom and go up hehe...dat way ill have a better chance of finding the right person...

hopefully i snag a prom date...even then if have a date...ill still go askin haha...juss to see what people would actually say...
umm...

I watched a movie recently...Better Luck tomorrow...
in the storyline the main characters had a winter formal...while i was watching the movie i realized...
dats how i wanted my prom to be like...

i really cant explain it yet...but yea...
dammit im making prom such a big deal...den again...

isit a big deal...or isnt it?
Jon at 10:10 AM

Monday, May 05, 2003

Yo...umm updates...

due to events on friday i currently have no computer...dat means no access online...but hey...dat doesnt stop me from bloggin...

Its monday right now and yea...i'm ditching 3rd period again...seriously i dont tink ima graduate because of that class...
Sigh...oh well last time i promise...den no more ditching...*i said dat the last time...and the time before that...before that...before that...*

neway umm yea updates?

Friday: Prepare for a long ass entree...

Terrible fight in the morning with my mom. i had been up since 4 trying to finish up my drill team homework...finishing the program for the revue and etc.

at around 5ish to 6ish my mom and i clash over my messy room...(i had told her i would clean it up eventually and i had been tellin her that i would get to it as soon as i was done on the computer. my room had been messy for several days and it seemed that i have been repeating that same tired excuse)

i guess my mom got frustrated of waiting for me to clean my room and she started doing it herself...i hated it wen she did stuff like that...knowing my mom she was going to put me on a guilt trip for my messy room that SHE had to clean up before SHE had to go to work...wen i was juss lazing about on the computer...
The worse part is that while she was cleaning up the room she started talking about how life is hard...and how i never help her out...and ionno she started to cry...
I guess part of me felt really bad...and another part of meeh that wanted to get rid of that feeling...
at the time i was thinking why are you cleaning!? I told you i would do it myself...

I guess in a way so i wouldnt feel bad about what was happening...i ended up feeling angry...i felt like she was making me feel like crap on purpose...i was tired of her...she always was good at puttin a guilt trip on me...this time i had no sympathy for her...i felt like she was playing some game...a trick...and dat i wasnt going to fall for it dis time...

I dont know what came over me that morning, whether because i tired...or whether i felt that my mom was pulling a stunt...or whether i got mad at her for saying some stuff which really made me feel bad...

Neway...wat happened nex was hard to rationalize

I exchanged some words with my mom...i was frustrated in the way things were happening...how da day was so early and it was already ruined...

i was frustrated with all these morning when we fighted...and i was tired of it...and i wanted it to stop...

thats when i went over the line...
i guess i something juss came out of my mouth...out of furstration...out of..ionno...
i was very tired then and i didnt think or move at the same speed i would usually move...

my mom changed her disposition from being frustrated to being angry...
she seized my laptop exchanged some other words of her own
(probably about what an ungrateful child i was or that i was going to be da cause of her death...very encouraging for a child to hear...but thats probably wat set me off the most...i hated to hear her talk like dat...deep down inside i guess it scared me...it scared me how i am a bad son...it scared me to see how i treat my mom...it scared me so much that you act out against that fear...and thats how these events came to happen i guess)
and den she left the room

i was frustrated at whath appened, not at all sympathetic, i considered my actions as standing up to my mom...and to all the stuff she made me feel...i though my actions were justified...its a very warped mentality now that i look back on that day...but to defend my position...stuff like this just didnt come out of no where...it has been building up for a while and i felt like i needed to break out of this mournful cycle...

i wish there was a way we could understand each other... but its is incredibly hard since now i understand...
me and her are too alike...

with no computer...all my work loss...i decided to give up and juss go back to bed...

the schoool day started out late that day, due to CAT 6 testing...
I finally was able to wake up around 9

My mom was alerady at work and i started to look for my laptop...i was afraid that my mom took it with her to work or suttin...
I finally found it hidden in the clothes hamper...

I quickly set it up so i could recover the stuff i was working on...Luckily i was able to save before the thing in the morning happened...

I decided to take a long shower...i needed one...

While i was sending my work online so i would be able to retrieve it on the school's computer...i decided to clean mah room up, i did it primarily for myself..to prove that i am not the lazy useless layabout SHE portrays me to always be...

i cleaned up mah room...fixed mah bed...even tried to clean up mah mothers room...(i kinda roughed it up looking for the laptop in there), i put away all my clothes into the closet...etc..etc..etc...

I was satisfied to know that i am not useless after all...but who knows...i guess sometimes i fear i am...

I finished cleaning and i sent my work online...I started to panic next when i couldnt find my costume for the invitational later that day...
it took a while but i was able to find it under some blankets...
i left the house pretty late cuz of that...

i was supposed to be at school around 10:30
i got there aruond 11ish - 12ish...

Nothing really important happened at school...it being a short day and all...
After school...or after 4th period to be more exact, pham and i went to Target to pick up the rest of mah pictures...

The oxnard pictures were a total disappointment compared to the other pictures i developed...those were also the pictures that i anticipated the most...
there were a few good pictures but a lot of people took pictures for me on that film and they wasted a lot of shots...
*ahem...Scott wasted a lot of shots...*

I returned to school looking forward to the invitational at Canyon. I faintly rememberd that there was a cute girl there that i had seen during competition. No real plans on like lookin for that girl or nething...i juss kept that in mind that she was there...juss in case i did see her...

we recieved bad news when i arrived...one of our drivers had gotten into a car accident...he was okay but he wouldnt be able to drive us to Canyon anymore...

Everyone was disappointed to hear that we werent gonna go nemore...especially me.
I discovered that everyone might get to go home and have da day off...except for mee who would have to finish the rest of the program that day...
THE WHOLE LINEUP~! Effin...

i started getting desperate...i really really really really did not want to go to do the work...I WANTED TO GO TO CANYON
the guys wanted to go too so we're having a meeting to see if we could find alternative sources for rides...
(the thing thats different though...if we didnt go to da invitational...dey would get to go home and rest...and
as for mee i would have 3 hours of work)

I was about to give up and go do the work when i heard that one of the girl's mom volunteered to take us!
i got so extremely excited...bautista had to calm me down even...=)

We quickly reviewed routines for a while...den we waited outside for Kala's mom to come...
we threw a football around for a while...
i discovered something intersting...
My throw's arent half as bad as i thought they would be...
they're pretty decent~! i was afraid i would throw it all retarded...football was never one of my sports neway...
still my throw is nothing compared to mah brother's throws...
oh well at least i dont suck =)...

When Kala's mom came we rushed her car hehe...Everyone who was left had to ride wid erik...

Ravago, Nino, pham scott, anthony, rollin, francis and i were riding with her. it was raining and there was traffic...and the trip took longer then any of us expected but we didnt mind much...we were having fun riding with kala's mom. Shes very cool~!

We finally arrived at Canyon high school...we walked around into their dance room and we were greeted with such a warm welcome...
they were actually cheering when they saw us haha~!
i was like wtf? how kewl~!
It felt great~ I wanted to stay there longer but the guys had to put their stuff away in their locker room...
haha we felt like celebrities...

After getting ready, we went back to da warm up room and this girl said hi to us.
She was telling us how glad they were that we made it
i was telling her how glad we were to be there (especially meeh..it may sound redundant but like YEA! NO REVUE HW THAT NIGHT!!)

She flashed a great smile and gave me a really nice hug~!
i was surprised for a moment...i thought...'wow your really friendly'
I began to recognize the girl after that...

It was her~! the same cute girl that i saw when we had the competition at Canyon~!

Her hair was shorter, but as i looked around i knew that it had to be her...

After that friendly exchange the guys started to revue the new all male routine...

i was able to find out later who dis girl was...
her name was Jennifer
She was attractive...(short hair for me is such a turn on...) & she had an incredible personality...

In a while, the guys and i were on stage to perform our New All Male routine...
it was the first performance for us and i guess we kinda did aiite...
the crowd didn't react much but Scott told me it looked good...
neway...the girls loved it so dats all that mattered to me...

We went back to the locker room to get ready for our Smale routine...
we had a lot of time left before we performed so i tried to fix up mah hair...
i also took a picture with some of the guys...

While we were waiting to perform we watched a few of Canyon's routines, they had a "He had it Coming" routine just like we do.
It was really entertaining...i thought it was better then our version...
Jennifer danced in Krystabels part in the routine...it was fun watching her...she's the co-captain on her team...

We performed Smale shortly after that...
it was a mediocre performance (the music was really slow...and still the crowd reaction was low...)
i didnt mess up anything big...juss timing problems...and
i kinda fell while hitting the last pose...very embarassing actually...
other den dat...it wasnt dat bad.
I enjoyed the performance overall...

After that performance we started to gather all our stuff and leave...the Canyon girls were so nice on our way out,
i saw Jennifer right before i left and i had Erik take a picture of me and her.
We started to talk for a while...i thanked them for inviting us to the show...
they were so nice...
they made me want to come back again tomorrow to perform
(actually Jennifer made me want to come back tomorrow...)

We left after we grabbed our gear...the ride home was quiet...we switched around the radio stations...we heard some really old school music and nice slow jams

when we arrived at Glendale High School Kala's mom offered to give us rides home.
SHE IS SO NICE...
mayn...if it werent for her...the night wouldnt have been possible...(and i would have been stuck wid all that work)
i felt like making her a big thank you card...

When i got home my mom was asleep...i tried to be as quiet as possible...what happened in the morning hadn't left mah mind yet...

Since there was no way to go online (lack of a computer and all) i continued to clean up my room...
i even spent some time to organize all my pictures from my drill team career...it filled up an entire shoebox...

after that i got tired...and i slept
Jon at 12:49 PM

Thursday, May 01, 2003

Song - Liam Lynch - United States of Whatever

I said i would cut down on internet...and i would...
after this post...or suttin ill juss log off...

i have so much work to do tonight anyway...
theres the stuff for the revue program i have to type up...and theres my add that i have to fix...

theres also homework...

sounds fun and fulfilling...
maybe ill throw in a shower somewhere in my intiniary for tonight...

neway...today was an okay day...
went to school at 10:30...

enjoyed the extra hours of sleep...especially since i knocked out at like 4 in da morning today...
School was boring today...and we had practice in da afternoon...
i tawt i would get out at 5 and be able to come home for some R&R...but i had to stay over to finish the voice overs for the revue...
there was also a meeting that i didn't have to be at...but for some reason i still stayed at school...

oh yea...it was a sadtrip today...i went to pick up film dat i had developed and one was missing...
i dont know what happened to it...but it was the one dat had my oxnard pictures in it...

i really wanted to go back and look for it...or to check wassup...but ill save that for tomorrow...

oh yea...on another note...i feel like i would have to find a prom date now...
Nino's idea is fading out...and i would like to go to prom...
Bev maybe...hmm...only logical choice...

oh yea...no more pathfinder for meeh...
everyone says its too old and expensive...
all i ever wanted though was a car...
Jon at 9:45 PM

mutha *BEEp* in *BeEp*...

another post at like 2 in da morning?! i swear my biological clock is off...
i sleep during da day...and i am wide awake at nite...actually i wasnt really dat wide awake until i drank some soda...
(haha my throat was dry...)

ima cut mah online time over the few days hehe...moderation is good neways...
yea rite...well im gonna try at least...

today is thursday...well its kinda gay to post dat on a blog...cuz i bet its already up there...but yea its a slow morning nothing much else to talk about...

There were three very cute visitors dat came by yesterday...
i kicked it wid dem for a while =)
really didnt have much to talk about but yea...it was our first real meeting (visits during practice dont count...cuz ur not actually kicken it wid dem...ur trying to learn a routine...)
i had fun...hope i dont give off da impression im quiet...
most visitors have a tendency to assume stuff like dat (dey even though bautista was quieT)

its juss ionno haha...i didnt know where to throw myself in convos...and my nature is naturally shy...
give it some time hopefully and people will get to know meeh...
(very nice insights on my part dont u tink...den again im talking about meeh...haha insights about myself are not as much insights any more...but...??...ionno outsights haha?)

if dat last part didnt make sense...umm read da disclaimer...or suttin...=)

am i a shy person really? sometimes i am...and other times i even surprise myself...
for example...who was dat person at nationals haha? was it meeh? i went up to people and talked to dem and stuff...
wow...

actually i was surprised myself...

there was this girl named kristina who came up to meeh at nationals while i was sitting down eating mah samwich...

she was da girl some of my friends had been talking about since el dorado...(actually she became known after claremont...but we didnt compete against valencia again until el dorado)

i thought about going up to her to talk to her...but i didnt feel like it...i tawt dat justin and rollin were already talking to her...and id be throwing myself...

ahh...i am weird sometimes...hopefully juss sometimes...

but yea...i was sitting down...i did notice her...and she did sit rite nex to me to start a convo...
da first 15 secs i was like...Oh shyt...wat do i say...
da nex 15 secs i was like...Oh Shyt...i bet i have food stuck in mah braces...

da next 30 secs past dat and beyond i blanked out and i said some really dumb stuff hehe...
like wat a guy would usually say to a girl wen hes nervous...

yea...great first impression huh?! =) haha...i get nervous a lot actually...

dere was a hypnotist yesterday at our school...he said he would help each everyone of us wid one thing we needed to improve in our lives...after blanking out...i think i decided on hoping to be myself around girls...

i should have asked for...i wished i wouldnt feel nervous around girls...
like dat hypnotism crap ever works neway...(i gotta try to make sure...nex time ill try it out...maybe der will be a nex time)

dis post is getting sappy...haha im glad its not a boring run down play by play of my days events though...

oh well da real trick to not being nervous wid girls...is to get to know dem...
its gona take a while hehe...

hope da girls dont wanna be nervous with are patient...
Jon at 2:24 AM